HERO IN MY HEART.
Few in life have the opportunity to become a hero... and even fewer volunteer themselves into a position to become one.
I'm sat here in England it's now 5am, and for the last 2 hours I've sat here reading the most amazing, heart felt, honest tribute to an incredible young man... such determination, drive and conquering strength!
I'm 27 this June and until this night, I never knew it possible for me to cry so hard and feel the exact same myriad of emotions...anger, nausea, emptiness & ask the same questions... why would this, how could this happen? for someone I have never known or met.
My own experience of loss, why I recognised the feelings I have for you and your son all came from just one week out of my whole life it was June 2003...
fri 13th, I lost my great aunt of 96,
sat14th (also my birthday) and unbelievably the very same day her parents my good friend's were due to marry we lost lilly 3yrs their daughter to meningitis, completely out the blue with only 4 hours warning.
And just when I felt I had no heart left to break ..on fri 20th June I received the worst most shattering call I hope I ever do.... My dear best friends rang me having just lost her precious 1 month old in his sleep.. I totally lost it, I was at work and ran screaming into the reception area to a friend who worked there at the top of my voice WHY?...WHY? I crumbled to the floor and must have sat there for an hour asking that one question... why?
Being I'm normally so calm ...it's wasn't like me at all . but my heart had just had enough and I believe to this day if I had not reacted so outwardly ...I'd most prob be consumed by depression, anger & bitterness at something I could not stop or do anything about.
It broke my heart to hear of your pain, crying after you shower,collapsing with such disbelief and utter grief.
I'm 27, I most def don't have the answer on how to cope... but I do say if you haven't already .... go find a quiet hillside and scream with all the pain you have inside .... scream Kyle's name...scream the question ..why? and see if for just a minute it eases the anger and leaves behind in it's place a magical minute extra to remember something else precious, a memory... something that makes you smile about Kyle.
I'm not personally religious but it's my heart felt belief that its the moments you smile ...the moments you spend laughing about his questionable dress sense, his tendency to feed the fish rather than catch them! that you'll feel the glow of him smiling back at you!
I hope this offers you some comfort if not now in the future.. it's now 6am! and I'm honoured to have learnt about Kyle and he's taught me about myself ... his memory lives on and shall always.
All my love to you all...
feel free to contact me, I need to know how your going Close